Merry Kiss My Ass
by drarry.on
Summary: Harry takes Draco to muggle shop Ann Summers to pick up some more, interesting, Christmas gifts. Draco picks up something of his own.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary** – Oneshot. Harry takes Draco to muggle shop Ann Summers to pick up some more, interesting, Christmas gifts. Draco picks up something of his own.

**Rating** – M for language and possibly a hint of smut towards the end..

**Disclaimer** – The plot is mine, the characters- belong to J K Rowling.

**A/N** - This will probably be in three parts. It's roughly written out, just needs the finishing touches. It's unbeta'd, and it's the first fic I've decided to post! So constructive criticism would be gratefully received. Hope you enjoy!

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Merry Kiss My Ass

"Harry, where the fuck are we going?"

Draco spat the words out, clutching Harry's arm close to his own with both hands, forcing the awkwardly held shopping bags to bounce and thump into them with every step. The streets were teaming with people, muggles, and he didn't like it at all. Not one tiny bit. It wasn't the fact that he was surrounded by muggles as much as the fact he was surrounded by people at all. Since the war he had tried to avoid scenes like this as it invariably led to hexes and curses and dirty words being spat his way. In fact sometimes he was just spat at. It was incredibly boring and tiresome and always led to his hair being messed up.

It wasn't fair; especially when one considered the fact that he had been proven to have been spying for the light, of having saved Harry Potter's life. And it was _really_ not fair due to the fact that he was now living with said Harry Potter, involved with him, in love with him, bloody fucking shagging him! Harry Potter! The wizarding worlds _darling_, it's _hero, saviour_, whatever they wanted to call him. This should have saved him from the trouble of having to drag the Malfoy name up from the depths of disgrace. It should stop people from bothering in public, and it should bloody well save him the bloody trouble of constantly having to worry about his hair! Unconsciously he ran a hair through said meticulously styled blonde hair whilst Harry merely chuckled to himself and strode through the crowds confidently, tugging Draco alongside him gracelessly.

"Harry. Where are we going now? Can't we just go home? What else can you possibly want to get? Harry! Potter!"

His words were lost in the Christmas cheer simply oozing into the air. Harry was humming something about wanting a hippogriff for Christmas. Sickeningly soppy seasonal songs about goodwill and love blasted from open shop fronts. Chestnuts merrily popped and roasted as the stallholders each shouted out about how theirs were the best quality, best price, even though they were each clearly the same as the one situated ten metres down the road. Ear piercingly loud children on their way home from their last day of the school term appeared to be running riot down the already overcrowded pavements. Chasing each other with mistletoe and squealing when caught, halting the progress of other shoppers who just smiled indulgently at them. Draco did not feel indulgent at all. Draco's feet hurt, and he was cold, and he hated shopping. Well, no, he didn't hate shopping. He hated _Harry's_ version of shopping, which just seemed to involve wandering around aimlessly. For hours.

"HARRY!"

Draco stopped suddenly, unceremoniously flailing his arms from where they had previously been tightly attached to Harry's. He crossed his arms, pursed his lips, tilted his head up, and sniffed. Draco would not be ignored any longer. Malfoys were never ignored, especially by Harry-Bloody-Potter, the Boy Who Lived to Infuriate him. Harry stopped, and sighed. He pushed up his glasses from where they had slipped down his nose. And then he laughed. Infuriating!

"Don't you dare laugh at me."

Draco was glowering darkly at him. Harry stopped, though his lip quirked up to one side, barely hiding his amusement. Draco sniffed again. Harry's lip quirked higher.

"Draco, dear," He began, his tone soft and appeasing as Draco's expression grew even more sour at the term of endearment. "We're Christmas shopping. It's jolly. It's festive. It's lovely. We're browsing. That means we're not going anywhere in particular.." Harry's words trailed off as he caught sight of the shop they were currently stood in front of. "Actually scratch that love, we're going in here. Satisfied?" And with that he was off, disappearing into yet another godforsaken, overcrowded shop. Draco glared at his back and stuck his nose up in the air, it didn't matter if Harry couldn't see, before surveying the place Harry had stepped into.

The shop was lit by a bright neon sign. And it was pink. Pink! _Ann Summers_ it glimmered brightly. The windows were adorned by gaudy decorations and mannequins trussed up in frilly festive women's lingerie. Why the fuck had Harry gone in there? He waited a few more seconds before he haughtily stalked after his partner. He wouldn't give him the satisfaction of rushing in after him like a clingy Hufflepuff, definitely not.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** - Part Two. For those who live out of England, Ann Summers is a high street shop that sells women's underwear and adult toys! Hope you enjoy and don't worry, things will finally heat up in the third part, I promise! Let me know what you think!

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Draco stopped to take in his surroundings. The Christmas songs ever present in each shop seemed to have been redone with a slightly seductive tone to them. How the hell could they attempt to make 'Jingle Bells' sound sexy was beyond him. The shop was full of women's lingerie, and Harry was hovering near the back in front of.. _What the hell is all that!?_ He weaved his way around to him narrowly missing getting completely tangled up in a particularly affronting number of pink frills. A big sign in front of him now proclaimed; _Christmas comes but once a year, but I recharge so keep me near_. Realisation flooded through him as Harry turned to look at him. Draco managed to keep his composure and merely raised an eyebrow.

"Muggle sex toys, Harry? Really?" Harry just grinned at him.

"I thought this would be perfect for the secret santa gifts!" Draco had to admit this was true, only in his own head though. He wouldn't give Harry the satisfaction of saying it out loud. Over the months they had been together, an almost friendly civility had come about between himself and the other two members of the Golden Trio, and whilst drunk a couple of weeks ago, the younger generation of the Weasley family had gathered, gotten outrageously drunk and decided to do a secret santa with the theme 'things you can't open in front of your parents'. Harry had pulled Hermione's name and Draco had ended up with Ron. He was secretly quite pleased about his draw, but would infinitely have preferred to have seen Harry's name on the small piece of curled up parchment.

"Hmm." He responded nonchalantly, whilst surreptitiously eyeing up a stand of what announced themselves to be 'Rampant Rabbits,' a collection of horridly brightly coloured instruments of torture that each seemed to have a different function. He caught a twinkle of amusement in Harry's eye and quickly looked away. Despite himself, he was ever so curious about everything that was on offer. It was like a selection of treats that he'd only ever heard about had all just become readily available to him.

"Hi guys, how are you? Do you need any help there?" A cheery sales assistant had approached them, and was smiling at Draco, who frowned as he felt his normally pale cheeks flush slightly.

"We're fine, thanks." Harry answered. The girl just smiled and turned to another couple who were picking up and turning on every single item on display. Draco would have rolled his eyes. But that was unbecoming of a Malfoy. Instead he merely affected a bored look despite the excitement he was really feeling and drifted away from Harry around the rest of the shop. He was intrigued by what was on offer, and found himself in front of a shelf of lube. His eyes widened. Since Harry had introduced him to the muggle way of preparation, whilst he did love it, he'd always wished there was an alternative to the sticky oil Harry always used. The first one he picked up promised to, warm, intimate areas, and he quickly stuck it back on the shelf. _Definitely not_. He settled for one that would tingle and sensitise. Continuing through the display he picked up another with 'Ridin' Solo' written across the front and grinned deviously. That and a packet of tissues would be a perfectly acceptable present for Weasley. He snickered to himself.

Though he couldn't possibly admit it, he was actually enjoying himself. He glanced around for Harry and found him discussing the various anal toys with the sales assistant. Draco frowned slightly, wondering what his boyfriend was up to before his eyes landed on something called, 'Dick Lick,' strawberry champagne flavour. He let out a small evil laugh before snatching one up for Pansy. The little whore would love it. On second thoughts, he snatched up another for himself. He also picked up a couple of 'massage candles', that claimed to turn into sensual massage oil once heated. Harry was as fond of candle light in the bedroom as Draco was of being massaged in the bedroom. Win win. And Harry was such a noble Gryffindor at heart that Draco would end up on the receiving end despite it being a present for the other. And the display one smelt _divine._

Satisfied, he began moving towards the till when one last thing caught his eye. He stopped. He smiled wickedly. _Harry wouldn't expect that at all_. He picked it up and took everything over to pay. The girl behind the till managed to talk him into a half price bullet, whatever that was, by placing a display one into his hand. It was small but the vibrations on his fingertips sent a delicious shiver up his arm and he began to think of where he could place the thing on Harry to induce an even better reaction. He chose the silver, of course, and finally located his muggle credit card that Harry had insisted he get. It was quite useful, and it was quite a clever little thing really, not that he'd ever admit that either. He watched as the girl wrapped up his purchases and placed them into a bag which was then sealed by a sticker. Then she smiled, winked, and wished him a _very_ merry Christmas.

He retreated to the doorway and waited for Harry to be done. He finally appeared with a bag significantly bigger than Draco's. Each eyed the other suspiciously, eyes sliding down to said bags and minds turning over what they could possibly contain. They stepped out into the evening chill and starting winding their way through the crowds again. Draco's mood had lifted significantly, and though no one would know to look at him, Harry could tell the little blonde was practically buzzing with excitement.

"Shall we go home now, love?" The words practically purred from Draco's mouth, and he didn't even seem to notice the people jostling around them. This just made Harry even more suspicious about what could possibly be in Draco's bag, but he readily agreed and steered him to a less crowded area to find a place where they could apparate home.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N -** Third and final part to this story.. turned out to be a bit longer than I anticipated.. hope it doesn't drag. I went over and over it, and am fairly happy with the outcome, and I think, so are Harry and Draco ;)

Merry Christmas guys.. enjoy!

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Draco had been slowly torturing Harry to death all night; if death was the same as being perpetually turned on with no relief in sight.

They had apparated with a pop into their hallway and Draco had immediately shoved Harry into the wall and pinned his arms up above his head with his own. Draco leaned in, pressing every inch of his body into that of the other. He kissed the taller man until they were both gasping for breath, their tongues battling for dominance, teeth scraping gently across lips and nipping playfully. Harry groaned into Draco's mouth and then whimpered as the blond drew back dipping his head so Harry could feel his warm breath coming fast and hard onto his neck. Then Draco slowly circled his hips up into Harry's groin, and withdrew entirely.

"Wha, what?" Harry stuttered, blinking and using his now free hand to right his glasses. Draco's smirking face came into focus.

"I'm going to take a shower, Harry. I feel filthy after all that traipsing around this afternoon." And without so much as a backwards glace, he practically sashayed up the stairs and disappeared. Harry groaned to himself and ran a shaky hand through his hair, wincing as it snagged in a particularly unruly tangle. He should have expected some retribution for dragging his boyfriend around in the cold all day, but he just loved Christmas in muggle London so much. Sighing he started up the stairs, he'd just join him in the shower then. But when he got there, he found the door to their en suite bathroom charmed shut. Blinking in confusion he sighed and knocked on the door.

"Draco?" He waited. No answer. He flopped gracelessly onto the bed to wait it out. Surely Draco couldn't be _that _angry with him. In fact, he'd seemed quite cheerfully pleased with himself by the end of the trip.

A few minutes later Harry heard the running water come to a stop and glanced up at the door. But no naked wet Draco appeared. Harry felt his lips twist up in a pout as he started to sulk. He palmed his arousal as images of said naked wet Draco flitted into his mind. He missed Draco's entrance to the room entirely as he slipped a hand inside his trousers and slid his eyes shut.

Draco watched from the doorway appreciatively for a moment. His boyfriend lay back on the bed, eyes shut, with his hand down his pants and his mouth hanging open in a little 'o' of pleasure. Then he raised an eyebrow and strode over to him.

"Harry, that's _mine_." The words left him in a growl of possessiveness and Harry let out a squeak of surprise as he found himself with a lap-full of blond Slytherin, rather effectively trapping his hand against himself where he couldn't so much as twitch his fingers to get any relief. He could feel rather than see damp blond hair against his cheek as Draco's lips, and occasionally his tongue, swept down his neck. Harry let out a soft moan of appreciation as Draco found _that_ spot beneath his ear and arched up into him, placing his free hand on Draco's arse and he could have sworn he heard something jingle.. But then Draco's breath was hot on Harry's neck as he muttered a quiet incantation, and all the pressure was gone.

"Ungh?" Harry questioned intelligently, confused as to what was happening. Draco was by the dresser pulling on a fitted black t-shirt to go with the silky grey pyjama bottoms he was already wearing. Draco smirked.

"Come on, love. I'm hungry." He said suggestively. Harry shivered in anticipation, and then Draco continued, "Starving in fact. Lunch feels like such a long time ago." And with that he swept imperiously from the room, Harry didn't know how he could manage a flourish like that in pyjamas, much less without robes, but he was Draco Malfoy after all. Draco took a moment to pause in the doorway to say, "Oh, and don't try getting yourself off. I don't like people touching what's mine."

Growling in confused frustration Harry squeezed his eyes shut and counted to ten. He had no idea what had gotten into Draco. Yes, he could be a tease, but he never usually lasted long at it before giving in to temptation. His cock twitched at that thought but when his hand curled around himself he let out a yelp of pain.

"Draco Lucius Malfoy!" He howled. The rotten little bastard had put a charm much like a touch activated stinging hex on his, on his, _down there_! A sound very much like a cackle filtered up through the floorboards and Harry called Draco every name under the sun in his head.

oOoOo

The night had continued in much the same fashion. Draco had driven Harry insane all through dinner, and then insisted they both had to wrap all their presents since they would be going to the Burrow the next day, and when else would they find time to do it?

So Harry had reluctantly retreated to their bedroom, aching with arousal and being able to do absolutely nothing about it.

Harry made a fine mess of wrapping his gifts. He wasn't the best wrapper even when the task held all of concentration and this time it had held very little. He had just finished when he realised Draco was leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe, and jumped.

"Merlin, Draco. How long have you been stand.." His words trailed off as his eyes caught the movement of Draco's tongue darting out to the candy cane held between his lips. Harry's eyes widened as he watched the entire length of the sweet disappear into Draco's mouth, and then appear again with a soft popping sound. Draco repeated the action and then drawled,

"You've got tape in your hair."

Harry snapped. He was up and crossing the room. He grabbed Draco by the shoulders and pulled him into a searing kiss. Draco squeaked in a most undignified manner and let the candy cane drop to the floor. Harry snapped his hips forwards, he was still painfully hard, and when his erection brushed Draco's he practically snarled. Draco's hands came up from his sides and twirled into Harry's messy hair, surreptitiously removing the tape. It really had been bugging him after all.

Harry was busily sucking and nipping at Draco's bottom lip, whilst Draco was busy trying not to whimper and then Harry grabbed Draco's arse and a sharp jingle filled the air around them. Surprised Harry looked down, and caught a flash of red above the waistband of Draco's pyjamas. He glanced back up but Draco merely quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Draco, are.. is.. what..? Are you wearing frilly knickers!?" For some reason the thought of this just made Harry impossibly harder. He hooked his thumbs under the waistband and pushed the offending pyjamas down Draco's thighs. The smaller man merely wiggled his hips playfully and jingled some more.

"Do you like them? I thought you might." He stepped away from Harry and pushed his pyjamas right off. Harry couldn't believe it. Draco Malfoy, was wearing frilly red knickers tied at the sides with ribbons that ended in jingling snowballs. Draco smirked, turned around and, _bounced_.

The back of the garment stated, 'Merry Kiss My Ass'. Harry threw back his head and laughed.

"Oh my, Merlin, Draco. You're definitely bottoming tonight!" Draco considered this statement, and seemed to expect it, because his lips were back on Harry's, knocking his glasses to the floor.

"Merry Christmas, Harry. Or should I say, merry kiss m.." His words turned into a soft moan as Harry ghosted his hand over his erection. Somehow he had missed Harry backing him up, but then his knees hit the bed and Harry was all over him. Pulling Draco's t-shirt over his head he kissed and licked from the high arch of Draco's cheekbone down to the soft patch of blond curls above his cock. Draco removed his new knickers whilst Harry spelled away his own clothes and then he is back, taking Draco's entire length into his mouth with the ease of practice.

"H-Harry!" He name came out as a hiss, and Harry took it as an invitation running a finger down Draco's side and round to the crease of his entrance. Draco's hips thrust up, and Harry increased the pressure with his finger and hummed happily around Draco causing the slender man to arch up and moan softly. Harry silently, and wandlessly, summoned the lube – it really was quite a useful talent – whilst continuing the ministrations with his mouth. Fingers now slick he slowly pressed one in and sat up slightly to watch Draco's face.

The blond's eyes were closed and his soft pink lips were slightly parted. He let out a quiet 'ohhh' of pleasure when Harry added a second finger and Harry's cock twitched and pulsed with pleasure. When he found Draco's prostate he began to thrust his fingers mercilessly against it and his normally light grey eyes flew open, darkened with lust and need.

"Need you, Harry. N-now." Harry groaned in agreement and slowly withdrew his fingers, dipping his head forward to swipe his tongue at the beads of pre-cum that had collected at the tip of Draco's straining erection. Harry paused to take the sight of his lover in. Draco's cheeks were flushed pink with desire, and the flush speckled down his neck and spread across his normally pale chest. His pause was enough to allow Draco to reach up and tenderly run his hand down the side of Harry's face, and then topple the Gryffindor to reverse their positions. He had never really been good at bottoming, preferring to do it from the top.

He straddled Harry and clenched his thighs around Harry's legs to prevent him from thrusting his hips, and lowered himself slowly onto Harry's cock.

"Oh! Draco.. oh. My. God." Harry's breath was coming in pants as his entire body shook with want and anticipation. Finally his entire length disappeared inside Draco, whose eyes were shut in concentration. Harry gently wiped a bead of sweat from Draco's forehead and his eyes snapped open, locking on to Harry's. Harry had been biting his lip tightly, and released it to beg.

"Please, Draco. P-please. Need you, to.. t-to move." His words nearly undid Draco there and then and the blond let out a little whine as he set a face and furious pace. His legs released their grip on Harry as he found the angle that grazed his prostate nearly every time and Harry immediately began to match Draco's rocking thrusts with his own.

"Oh Circe, oh Merlin. Oh Draco." Harry garbled, he wasn't going to last long.. It was too much, too hot, too tight. He began to fist Draco in rhythm with their hips.

Harry could feel the familiar coil of release begin to build and he suddenly sat upright, clutching Draco to him as he began to spill into the smaller man, whispering Draco's name over and over into the blond's ear. The sound of it, and the feel of Harry's body seemingly all over him tipped Draco over the edge and he arched his back as he came hotly over Harry's hand, crying out his name.

They stayed that way, foreheads pressed together, bodies slick with sweat as their breathing and heart rates gradually returned to normal.

"We didn't even get to use any of your new purchases." Draco eventually whined in a small voice, breaking through the post-coital haze. "I didn't get to find out what's in that bag of yours!"

"I think your purchase was more than enough for tonight." Harry's sated smile was audible in his voice.

"Yes, I suppose you're right. There's always the morning." And with that Draco flopped to the bed and curled happily into Harry laying his head on his chest, running his fingertips up and down Harry's arm. He was always his most affectionate after a mind-blowing orgasm, which of course made Harry endeavour to deliver one at every opportunity.

He loved the feeling of having the relaxed Slytherin in his arms. Harry pressed a kiss to the top of the blond head and received a contented little sigh in response. He could feel Draco's lips curve up into a smile against his skin. Harry closed his eyes, a smile drifting across his own lips as he felt sleep begin to tug at the corners of his mind.

He would just have to remember this moment when he was forcing Draco into one of Molly Weasley's Christmas jumpers the following day. At least he'd convinced her to knit it in Slytherin colours instead of her trademark red and gold..

_- End -_

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_**And there ends my first ever fic on FanFiction! And, actually, the first sex scene I've ever attempted. So please do tell me what you think of it, good, bad, everything.. reviews make fantastic early Christmas presents =)**_

_**Merry Christmas everyone!**_


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